ThePhantomof theOperadoes:Who'sLineIsItAnyway?
by Erik's Girl
Summary: Lookie, It's finished! Yay! Joy! Happiness! So what happens when the POTO characters go on Who's Line?


THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA DOES: WHO'S LINE IS IT ANYWAY?  
  
  
  
This is rated PG for dropping of chandeliers, and cruelty to Raoul and other characters. For those who don't get it, I am saying that Andrew Lloyd Webber is on steroids for some*stuff* that is put in his version.  
  
THERE IS ONLY A FEW REASONS WHY I AM PUTTING THIS ON HERE. 1. all my friends who read it (or all I have of it) thought it was funny 2. I need to post something And 3. THE PHANTOM SECTION NEEDS MORE CLEAN HUMOR!  
  
  
  
Now onto my story!  
  
~ Drew Carrey is introducing the show~  
  
Drew: Hello everybody and welcome to the show! It's Steroid Boy himself, Andrew Lloyd Webber! Prettyboy wannabe, Raoul! Chandeliers away, Erik! And finally, Princess Spanish Headache Note, Carlotta! Come on down and let's have some fun. Yes, it's Who's Line Is It Anyway?, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Yes, the points are like Erik, we don't need him.  
  
~a chandelier falls on Drew. Carlotta hits a headache note (as a scream), and a chandelier falls on her, too. Drew (miraculously) survives, but Carlotta doesn't. She is replaced by Christine~ Drew: Oookkkaaayyyy.. That was interesting. ~he pulls spare glasses out of his coat pocket~ since Princess Spanish Headache is dead, we can all sell our spare asprin to hospital. ~ audience cracks up~  
  
Drew: now if we can get to the first game without interruptions.Great! Our first game is: Superheros. This is for Raoul, Andrew, and Christine. ~we see Erik readying a chandelier.~  
  
Drew: Raoul will begin, followed by Christine and finally Andrew. Next we need the name of an unlikely superhero. ~ the audience sounds like a school cafeteria, till someone calls out: Attractive Idiot Man!~ Okay, Raoul is Attractive Idiot Man. Now we need an unlikely problem for Attractive Idiot Man. ~again, sounding like a cafeteria till someone calls out: the world's supply of cat litter is missing!~ Okay, so now we have Raoul, Attractive Idiot Man with the world's supply of cat litter missing. He will introduce the others in with odd superhero names, trying to mess them up. ~ Raoul walks on stage, pretending to sit to dinner. All the girls in the audience gush, until he proceeds to pick his nose with the salad fork. All the girls gross out, and the guys applaud. Christine runs (well, as fast as you can go in a dress) in.~ Christine: Attractive Idiot Man! The world's supply of cat litter is missing! Raoul:~ Putting down the salad fork~ Thank the heck muffins you're here, um, uh, mph, oh ~ Raoul says a really bad word, Christine slaps him~ Lady Slapsalot! Of course I know! Oh, um,~ Raoul says a worse word, Christine slaps him again~ Oowww. What was the problem again? Christine: ~Really annoyed at Raoul~ THE. WORLD'S. SUPPLY. OF. CAT. LITTER. IS. MISSING! ~ Raoul cracks up at how she sounds~ Christine: That's it!  
  
  
  
WARNING: IF YOU SUPPORT CHRISTINE/RAOUL ROMANCES, DON'T READ THE FOLLOWING, BECAUSED I DON'T WANT TO GET FLAMED!!  
  
~Christine ties him to a chair, and puts duck tape over his mouth. (now is where it gets fun,hehe)She then pulls a pastor out of the audience and Erik out of his chair-thingy, Then takes her's and Raoul's wedding rings off. The pastor is then forced*by Drew, who wants them to get through before commercials* to get them married. Bla bla bla they go through vows  
  
pastor:... if anyone thinks that this couple shouldn't be married, speak now or forever hold your peace~ Raoul attempts to cuss Erik out, but Andrew gives him a MAJOR overdose of injected steroids and Erik drops a chandelier on him~ Andrew: why didn't I think of this!~ takes more steroids. Pastor goes back to his seat and Erik is happy~ *Resuming the game* Andrew:I'm here, peoples!~ takes more steroids~ Christine:Why are YOU here* thinks for a moment* Steroid Boy! Andrew:Don't tell me...~Erik is kinda dazed by what just happened. The game is interrupted by Drew, who is pressing the buzzer-thingy~ Buzzer-thingy:Beep Beep Be-Beep! Drew*sarcastically*:yay... we got through 1 game!  
  
*COMMERCIALS* Nuetrogena acne fighting body wash, McDonnalds, Bealls one day sale, Eyemart Express, and Firestone tires( like anybody's gonna buy 'em) *BACK TO WHO'S LINE*  
  
Drew:50 points for Raoul,1,000 points for Erik and Christine~ they kiss~ and 100 points for Andrew ~Raoul is trying to win back Christine~ Raoul:I look better than him, I could give you more than HE ever could! I...~ poor Erik doesn't like to be insulted, and we all know what happens to those who do. But now he AND Christine drop a chandelier on him~ Raoul:ooowww...~ another chandelier falls on him~  
  
Drew*REALLY NERVOUSLY* Now let's go to a game called... Scenes From A Hat. This is for all 4 of you.~Raoul,Erik,Christine,and Andrew go to different sides of the stage~ Before the show, we had the audience write down things they wanted you to act out. We kept the good ones and got rid of the cruddy ones. Let's go to Scenes From A Hat.~Drew draws a scene, then reads it~ What Erik is thinking right now.~Erik walks on stage~  
  
Erik:Ha!Take that,Raoul!~Raoul walks on stage~ Raoul:Raoul can have Christine...~he is cut off by a chandelier falling on him~  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------- A/N-6/12/02: I haven't updated because I lost the original story, but that's where improvisation comes in! Technical difficulties, sorry -_- ()...Anywho, I'll finish it, but it might take a while. I will also take critisism, as long as it doesn't have curse words; I like my vocabulary clean. Thanx for being supportive! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------  
  
~Christine walks on stage~ Christine:Raoul is a FOP!~they begin arguing from each side of the stage~ Raoul:am not! Erik: are too! ALW:hee! I like puppies and fish sticks! Christine:I'm allergic to fish... Raoul:aww...poor baby... Erik:hey! I'm the only one who's allowed to comfort her!~this time gets Raoul in the Punjab lasso~ Raoul:ack! My asthma is kicking in*wheeze*(no offense to those who do have asthma) Erik:you MUST be a fop to get caught by the Punjab lasso twice in your life! Raoul:*cough*I am*gasp*not a FOP!*wheeze* ALW:Mommy! I wanna get ice cream and ride the pony!~is walking around like a drunk guy, and causing quite alot of damage~ Drew:CAN WE PLEASE GET ON WITH THE SHOW?!~silence~Thank you. Now, our next game is...Three-Line Vocabulary. This is for all of you. All right...(trying to think up lines)...Erik, your lines are: I hate cheese, what time is it, and...um~talks to psychotic guy bent on destruction~...tis the season to be killing(with the tune). Christine, your lines are: where are the books, I wear toe socks, and this place stinks. ALW, your lines are: I want candy, that color doesn't suit you, and I'm hungry. The setting is...Raoul, you are working as an easily-angered worker in a video rental store. Erik, ALW, and Christine, you are trying to agree on a movie for the evening, but you can only use the three lines I gave you. So...begin the game.  
  
Raoul:I hope there aren't any more cusomers, I'm ready to get my paycheck.  
  
~Erik, Christine, and ALW walk into the pretend video store~ Raoul:Dang! More customers...oh well. More money for me $_$. Christine:where are the books? Raoul:silly, this is a VIDEO store, not a BOOK store. Erik:I hate cheese. Raoul:I really don't care about cheese right now! ALW:that color doesn't suit you. Raoul:who really cares if it suits me or not! All I want is for you three to find a movie you all enjoy and get out of here! Oh, wait. I said that you ALL enjoyed. Oh, crud, that could take a while. Erik:what time is it? Raoul:~looks at fake watch~it is 10:39. Erik:tis the season to be killing! ALW:I want candy. Raoul:*really annoyed*THERE. IS. CANDY. AT. THE. CHECKOUT. COUNTER! Christine:I wear toe socks. Raoul:can you people PLEASE pick a movie and get out of here?! Erik:I hate cheese. ALW:that color doesn't suit you. Christine:where are the books? Raoul:grr....shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I cannot take this anymore!~runs around in little circles~ Buzzer-thingy:Beep Beep Beeeeeeep! Drew: that was...somewhat humorous...~talks to security guy~oh, sorry. 100 points for all of you except ALW, who gets 99 points. ALW: why? ~begins sobbing and mumbling something about growing up in an overpacked orphanage and how all the other children ignored him~ Drew:~vein popping out of his forehead anime-style~grr...fine. You can have 1 more point. ALW:~forgest everything, including his sobbing~yay! ~a crash is heard, as a bright red WW1 plane falls onto Drew's desk. The pilot climbs out, obviously not hurt. He happens to be Manfred, the Red Baron~ A/N: this is to Der Drache, one of my best friends (^)_^ Unfortunately, I do not own Manfred or his big red plane or his little bro, Lothar(sp?) Manfred: we aren't in Germany anymore, Lothar. ~to Drew~ who are you? Drew: I should be asking you the same thing. Manfred: I am Manfred von Richtoven(sp?), aka the Red Baron. Raoul: umm...can we get on with the show? I wanna go home and give my cute little toesies a pedicure.~a shudder goes throughout the audience and another chandelier falls on Raoul~ Manfred: ouch, that has to hurt. Drew: I bet he's used to it by now, that Erik guy does it at random moments. Manfred:~blink~ who's Erik?~Drew points at Erik, who is surfing the internet on a laptop(grr...I don't own the laptop either)Erik lets out an evil laugh as he won a lifetime supply of chandeliers, punjab lassoes, and...cookies(?!) via www.whatthephantomneeds.com~ Drew: Okay, guys. I have a new idea for a game, and it isn't seen on the t.v. show. It's called.~thinks of stupid name~ stupid actions. (Sorry 'bout the stupid name, I've been in in a writer's block for quite some time, plus our Hist. Teacher MADE us enter an essay writing contest, and the theme was: "My Pledge to America", so I've been forced to do that as well (. Anywho, I'll try to work on my other story. Keep in there Phans, I WILL continue it ^_^. I also own stupid actions, so ask and you shall receive) Drew: this is how you play: two people face each other, each taking turns doing a sound effect less action. The first to crack up trades with the person behind them. The person who stays in the longest must not have a sense of humor or find things funny. This is for Manfred, Erik, Raoul, and Christine. ALW: what about me? ~All-mighty authoress appears to them all in her flame boxers and a spaghetti strap shirt~ Erik's Girl: as for YOU, Sir Andy, I get to have a little fun with you. ~evil grin. Andy is now in a cage, securely chained to a chair bolted to the bottom. He is gagged, with a vice on his head holding it in place and brace-thingies to keep his eyes open. A t.v. is in front of him, with a set of headphones over his ears, connected to the t.v. (in other words, he can't focus on anything BUT the t.v.)~ ALW: ~muffled screams~ Erik's Girl: Ha! Take that you jerk! You deserve it for THINKING of putting that Banderas(sp?) creep in the Phantom movie! Michael Crawford is the only singer honorable enough for Erik ~deep sigh~ As your punishment, you will be forced to watch Barney AND OR Teletubbies until that's all you think about! (Vote time! Which should it be?) Drew: Erik, Manfred, you will be on one side. Chrisine, Raoul, you will be on the other. Raoul: Ha! You don't get paired up with her ALL the time! Erik: grr.~readies his first Punjab lasso from his lifetime supply~ Erik's Girl: Children, please! Be thankful you don't share HIS fate ~gesters to Andy~ Drew: begin! ~Erik and Raoul face off~ Raoul: ~blink~ Erik:~ blink blink~ Raoul: ~twitch~ Erik: ~readjusts gloves~ Raoul: ~runs fingers through hair~ Erik: ~sneeze~ Raoul: ~scratches nose~ Erik: ~scratches butt~ Raoul: ~begins to giggle~ Erik: ~grins, continues to scratch butt~ Raoul: ~brakes out laughing~ Buzzer: buzz! Christine: ~bonks head, echoes reverberate throughout it~ Erik: ~begins laughing at this normality~ Buzzer: buzz! Manfred: ~blink~ Christine: ~cracks up, as she finds the errie silence hilarious~ Buzzer: buzz! Raoul: ~tries to get back as he scratches his butt~ Manfred: ~holds up mirror~ Raoul: ~sees himself scratching his butt, and begins to crack up~ Christine: ~snort~ Buzzer: buzzzzzzz! Drew: ~laughing HARD~ 10,000 ~giggle~ points for ~laugh, snort~ each of you! ALW: ~muffled scream~ Drew: ~recovering himself~ now for the final game, HOE DOWN! Erik's Girl: Crap! Thanks a lot! Now I'm going to have to write THAT as well! ~sigh~ oh well. (More hoe down to come!) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------- Wait.I have an idea forming.*Chugs down.third glass of Sunny D (Don't own that, either).* Instead of Hoe Down, since I don't have any idea whatsoever about song parodies, the original Who's Line cast will join our lovable/loathable characters is one big Scenes From a Hat. If anyone wants a Hoe Down, then you'll probably have to wait awhile. Don't own original cast either.  
  
(Wayne, Collin, Ryan, and Greg appear out of nowhere. They look around confused, even though this is their set, until their attention is averted to Erik's Girl, laughing maniacally. )  
  
Erik's Girl: Welcome, original cast! Greg: Who the heck are you? Erik's Girl: You, and all your friends are in a Who's Line Phanphic, written by me. Instead of doing a Hoe Down, you all are going to do a big Scenes From a Hat. Bwahahahahahah! There is no way to escape your doom! Collin: ~blink~ Okay!~Wayne, Greg, and Ryan fall over Anime-style~ Drew:Hurry up! ~Carlotta appears out of nowhere~ Carlotta: Hey! Why in the heck am I here again? I must be having a nightmare. ~Takes MAJOR overdose of pain reliever, instantly knocking her out~ Erik's Girl: ~Evil grin. Talkes to her new surgeon friend (don't really have one, though) quietly. When they are done, he drags Carlotta's body off the set.~ Drew! Drew: What? Erik's Girl: Where's the hat for the scenes? Drew: Dunno. ~Carlotta, after a quick surgery, comes running in the studio, screaming~ Carlotta: What happened to me?! What did you do?! ~We now see that she had all the fat sucked out of her literally, as her skin fits like that of an Elephant's~ Why I oughtta kill you! ~Lunges for Erik's Girl, but trips over a fold of skin~ Ooof. Erik's Girl: What? I thought you would want to be able to fit in other things besides maternity clothes and not cause earthquakes when you walk.~Innocent smile~ Oh well.~ Carlotta is zapped to a herd of Elephants in Africa~ Everyone else: ~Blink. The hat for Scenes appears out of nowhere.~ Erik's Girl: Ha! I knew it would show up if I tried to waste time! Everyone else: *groan* Drew: Hurry up, I gotta go to the men's room! Erik's Girl: Ewww. more info than we needed! Drew: ~Draws first scene~ The first scene is.The first thing you say after getting out of a mental asylum.~Manfred walks on the stage~ Manfred: Hey! I can actually move my arms!~Raoul takes his place~ Raoul: Boy, I am sure gonna miss those rubber walls.~Wayne goes next~ Wayne: If I have to talk to another psycharatrist, I'm gonna kill someone!~buzzer thing interrupts~ Buzzer thing: Buzz! Drew: Next is. React what you did the day you turned 21~Ryan walks on stage, dragging Raoul~ Ryan: ~in a slurred, drunken voice~ HeY, bAbY, It'S sHoWnLy 9:00. wHeN mIdNiGhT rOlLs ArOuNd, YoU'Ll Be ThE fIrSt I gO hOwMe WiTh. TiLl ThEn, JoIn Me In A rOuNd.~ Greg walks on stage~ Greg: Hey, waiter! Keep the rounds comin' all night! What, you close in 15 minutes? Well, then I guess we see how much I get down in 15 minutes, eh!~Buzzer-thingy~ Buzzer: Buzz! Drew: ~laughs briefly~ Raoul's self-help books~Raoul walks on stage~ Raoul: Outsmarting Phantoms For Dummies~Raoul has a chandelier fall and cookies thrown on him~ Raoul: Hey, chocolate chip! Yummyfull!~ Erik walks on stage~ Erik: Intelligence for Stupid People~takes a bite out of a cookie. Collin walks on stage~ Collin: Six Easy Steps to Rembering Your Name and Random Titles~Christine walks on stage~ Christine: The Viscount's Guide to Passing Kindergarten~Sir Andy interrupts~ Sir Andy: Mmmhphh! Ungh! Ungh mmphgr! Soahc! *Sorry, Aidyn Chronicles joke* Erik's Girl: Translation: Hey, he's not that stupid! Raoul: ~Offensively~ Yes, I am ~Buzzer thing~ Buzzer: Buzz! Drew: ~Whispering quietly to Erik~ Erik: Of course~ Sir Andy and Raoul stand in the middle of the stage Erik's Girl: Hey, we have a surprise for you! Ready, set, drop! ~Everyone, including everyone in the audience and camera guys drop chandeliers on the two "unfortunates"~ Drew: Hey, now I see why you do that. Erik's Girl: Thank you all for your "willing" participation in this. Drew: Now the rest of you get to read the credits in backwards speak Everyone: Rehtorb! Join now! *Hee hee, sorry*~After all the guffawing ended, everyone exited the stage and the lights were turned off~ Raoul: Somebody? Anybody? Will you hire a crane?~ Seemingly out of nowhere, a cookie bonked off his head~ Raoul: Eewww. I hate peanut butter.  
  
FIN  
  
Well, that's it everyone, hope you enjoyed it! 


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